Betty Badger & Mrs. May's Cough- Is there a connection?

It needs to be put on record that I, Betty Badger, am not responsible for Mrs. May's cough.  Yes, I was seen outside the Midland Hotel yesterday where the Conservatory Clan Conference was held, but I did not get close to Mrs May, even though some Human did manage to get very close indeed. I hear through the grapevine that Boris (not a Badger) put chilli powder on the microphone to cause her to cough.  He put some more in her water to make cough worse and not better when she had a drink to stop coughing.  Clever Human!

It is the Badger Blame Culture that is causing Badgers to get shot right now.  Just because we share the same countryside it is our fault when the cows get coughs.  My Human friend Bob says we are Scape Goats for poor farming practices and testing regimes.  Bob might be right about that, but I am not sure that I want to be called a Goat. 


This is a nice colourful sign I saw a lot of over the past couple of days:

In spite of its bright colours, it made some Humen and Huwomen quite angry and they made a lot of noise in a protest against Austerity.  So not only are the Conservatories killing badgers, I hear that they are also unkind to old and disabled Humans.  Here are the protesters:

I have to admit that they were making so much noise that I had to hide for a while as I was so scared, but the Police Humans were much braver than me.  Actually, I really liked the Police Humans in their bright yellow tops and they wanted their photos taken with me to give to their cubs. They were so kind because I am a Badger and quite rare in Man Chester, probably because the ground is really hard for the cars and there is hardly any grass.   One Police Human called The Bronzed Commander got his friends to pretend to arrest me to get a picture for the even more important Silvery Commander, who I imagine wore a silver hat.  

They were a bit worried about playing with me too much because they could get in trouble for having too much fun.  One Police Huwoman came and sat with me when I got tired and she was worried that I was sad.  We sat in the rain and I talked about losing my Brian to the Humen with guns and we talked about our homelands,  She came from Solihull which is "a bit posh" and, although the Sollihullians talk strangely, they are very friendly. Another Police Human told me how he didn't like zoos where all the animals were kept in cages.  I could be friends with him.  I will miss these Police Humans who realised that I was not going to hurt the Conservative Humans and let me get really close to them and shake their paws.  I hope they read this one day.

Anyway, I promised I would tell you a bit more about my journey.  After I got to Euston :

I found the Virgin Train, which looks just like a big brightly coloured Badger.  I suppose this makes sense since we are both designed for going down tunnels.  I wonder if Human Branson would consider supporting us Badgers against the Conservatory Killers in lieu of royalties for pinching our design....

Another amazing thing I found at Euston was a metal box containing food that Humans had to put money in.  If no one had been watching I think I might have got inside- we badgers have very strong claws:

Also at Euston I found a shop where you can buy bodies.  I am not sure what kind of bodies they sell.... or if they are for eating.  Here is me and a Huwoman coming out with a body in her bag:

On the Virgin Train I found a shiny latrine with water in it!!!  Soil is perfectly adequate for Badgers:

I mentioned yesterday that I stayed with Chris in a lovely comfy bed in his sett in the sky overlooking humans in a hive.  It was a bit too far off the ground for me but cosy.  Here I am looking out over the balcony at the Human hive wondering if they make Honey.

I met so many kind people in Man Chester and lots of them took my picture and shook my paw, even some Conservatories, who were a bit embarrassed about being seen shaking my paw.  Perhaps they would get in trouble from Mrs May or Mr Gove, who still hasn't agreed to see me.  I will never give up hope that I can show him how wrong it is to kill Badgers, because we are innocent (except for eating bees, wasps and, very occasionally, Hedgehogs.)  On the subject of  Hedgehogs I did meet a really horrible Conservatory Human who shouted at me for eating Hedgehogs.  I am so upset at how rude he was that I will have to leave until another to tell you about Badgers and Hedgehogs.

One final lovely thing was the journey home.  I was allowed to travel in First Class!  The other Humans were a bit worried because I am not the usual sort of First Class Person but I behaved as well as a Badger can and I didn't gobble down too much of the free food and drink. 

Night Night, from Betty🐾

Bob the Human tells me that if you want to comment on this blog you should be able to do so if you click (whatever that means) on the section that currently says "No comment".  Yes, that does sound a bit silly but it might work.