Betty meets The Blue Badger

I Betty Badger, have three journeys to tell you about....... but one thing at a time.

My Huwoman friend Mary and I were definitely not looking forward to last week's trip to DEFRA because the weather was due to be very rainy and indeed it was.  

But I had to go because The Blue Badger promised to meet me outside DEFRA and I was so excited to meet her.  I have never met a Blue Badger before.  I have heard of Ginger Badgers.  My Brian (RIP)'s mother was quite orange and on a sunny day Brian  had a ginger hue.  This s a picture of Brian's parents

It was as if the world was against our meeting though; not only the torrents, but the enemies of Badger folk were out to catch us.  Fifty yards away from DEFRA I saw this:

And then, just around the corner we saw this:

I was very nervous indeed as we were sure that DEFRA had finally had enough of Betty and her friends. Mary said she would protect me so we snuck around the vans to wait in our usual place.  It really was as wet as wet can be and my paws got very cold. But one of my regular friends came to talk to me and told me about how you can just accept things for what they are and look forward to better days. Mary told me about her Huwoman friend Helen (RIP) who said that standing in the rain reminded her that she was alive.  I was very well aware that I was alive, and wet, and I started looking forward to being on my way home underground on the silver tubeworm which is always snug and warm.  

Because it was so wet people didn't want to stop and talk and Mr Gove hid under a huge red umbrella pretending not to see me....  I don't have a picture of Mr Gove under a red umbrella because that is the wrong colour for a Conservatory, but here he is with a more appropriate umbrella and making a silly face:

Eventually out of the storm came a Huwoman called Lorraine with blonde fur on her head and she told me that she was a Blue Badger.  I have to admit that this was not what I was expecting.  Anyway, she told me that she was a member of an organisation called Blue Badger which is a group of Conservatories against the Badger Cull.  This is what  their webwords say:

Blue Badger is a member of  Team Badger which is a coalition of national, local and grass roots animal welfare organisations representing millions of compassionate citizens. We reject the government’s policy of badger culling as unsound, unscientific and unacceptable.

That all sounds very sensible to me.  This is their logo :

I think I could draw a better badger than that.  I think it might have mange.  Or perhaps I could model for a new logo. Lorraine took a selfie with me and promised to tweet it.  Lots of people do that but since I don't know what a tweet is, apart from the noise the birds make, I am not sure if that is a good thing but Lorraine likes Badgers, and Elephants, so I can trust her.

On Saturday Huwoman Mary asked if I would like to go to a demonstration with her in a place called Letchworth.  Her friends were protesting against the destruction of The Green Belt.  Badgers don't wear belts so I thought I would stay at home and get ready for the arrival of my cubs which are due soon.  Mary explained that The Green Belt is not for holding up your trousers but is an area of land that Hupeople are not allowed to build setts and factories on but other Creatures such as Badgers and Foxes and Rabbits are allowed to, so they are safe places for Animals to live without too much disturbance. Mary's friend Nikki said that many Badger setts will be destroyed if the builders moved in and Badgers will lose the homes they have lived in for thousands and thousands of years.  Please don't forget that Badgers were here before Hupeople.  

Anyway, I went and had a jolly time with all the Hupeople and made loads of new friends.  These are some pictures they sent:  

This is Heather, Nikki and Me (and Nikki's 2 dogs, which are OK- for dogs):

Then here is Frank holding my hand because I am tired and don't have very good eyesight:

Here are some of the lovely protesters;

And Finally ... Betty and Bryony very tired after a very exciting day out :

Today I went to DEFRA again and met a Human called Dominic who is the head of a club of Badger Lovers called The Badger Trust. He took a selfie too.  And we made some plans..... but I will tell you all about that another time.

Night Night Hupeople

Love,  Betty🐾🐾

Gosh! Mr Gove Goes Green

I, Betty Badger, had a jolly time at DEFRA yesterday.  It didn't rain!  I saw lots of my new friends and Mr Gove said "Gosh!"

I went to West Minster with my cub Bryony and my Huwoman friend Mary. Bryony was so excited to go on the shiny tubeworm underground and to see all the tall human setts called buildings. She was dizzy at their height when she looked up at them.  She was really impressed by this building:

I told her it is called the House of Parliament which is a sett where all the most important Hupeople meet together and shout at each other and make laws.  Laws are rules that Hupeople are supposed to live by such as making it illegal to kill Badgers because we are a protected species.......  

Bryony was quite scared of all the Cars though because, as we all know, Cars and Badgers don't mix well.  Cars are the biggest cause of Badger death- even more that The Kill Cull.  I don't know why Humen have to move so fast.

Mary was very clever because she brought along a camping stool for me.  She said she wanted to look after me because of "my condition" and she did let me and Bryony sit on it for a while.    Here is the evidence:

However I think Mary had an ulterior motive because she soon sat on it herself .  She said her knees were aching.  I think that is because she is getting old and has got fat over Christmas so is putting more weight on her joints. One of the reasons Mary is putting on fat is because  she is secretly eating the peanuts she buys for me.  Perhaps she is turning into a Badger.  Here is Badgers' favourite food - except Worms:

We Badgers like to get fat in The Cold Time because it keeps us going when the worms are so far underground that we cannot eat them.  Many Huwomen go on something called "Diets" in January, the middle of The Cold Time, which is a bit silly because they need to keep warm then.  

Mary thinks that Mr Gove is making a bid to become the Head of The Green Party, which sounds like a lot of fun.  Have you noticed that he has taken to wearing a green Tie? The following picture from the newspaper shows his nice green tie and he is carrying a green drinks container which is also Green, which means that it is kind to the environment.  



I waited for hours while Mr Gove was in DEFRA having important meetings about cups and fish and farm subsidies.  I knew he was there because his quiet black car sat outside with his lovely kind driver in it. Eventually he came out in his green tie and he saw me and Bryony on our new stool and he noticed our sign saying that 19,274 of our Badger friends were killed in the Cull.  He seemed quite surprised by the number, especially when Mary told him that was how many Badgers were killed this Autumn. So he said "Gosh".  Which is a very nice word full of meaning...


The other thing I noticed in London Town was how many people are wearing dead Animal fur on their hats.  

My friend Mary told me that most of them don't realise that the fur is real when they buy the hats because it often says fake fur on the label   The people who sell the hats say it is fake because they know that most Hupeople are kind and don't want to wear Animals’ fur on their heads because they know how much the Foxes and Cats and Dogs and Rabbits and Raccoons (whatever they are) have suffered.  Some Animals are kept imprisoned in cages and their skin is taken off them sometimes when they are still alive. I felt very sick when she told me that.  But some Hupeople are not worried about that.  Someone called Kurt Geiger who makes clothes for rich Huwomen makes these hats with foxes and racoons on them. Here is one of his hats:

Which leads me on to my realisation last week about the real reason behind the Badger Kill.  Remember this picture?  

I bet you didn't know that most shaving brushes are made from Badger fur.  Here are some more examples from The Google Oracle:

The British Government thought it was a really good idea to become the world leader in the production of shaving brushes.  So that the Markets wouldn't catch on to what they were doing, they invented the Cull and said that Badgers had to be killed to stop the spread of disease.  This explains why in the Parliamentary Debate last Spring Mr George Eustice had to admit that none of the thousands of Badgers killed had been tested for Bovine TB. He didn't want anyone to find out the truth that the Badgers did not have the disease.

Of course, what happened then was that all the Humen in the Western World decided to grow beards.  Like these Humen:

So Conservatories have spent Millions and Millions of Pounds on killing Badgers for no good reason.  But we all knew that didn't we.  And there are lots of Badger shaving brushes going cheap and flooding the shaving brush market.  Perhaps they might sell them to Huwomen instead....

One last thing.  I have made some lovely friends outside DEFRA.  Two Humen in particular are very kind and talk to me and say how nice it is to see me.  One of them wears such a bright white shirt that it makes my fur look grubby.  I had to start grooming myself urgently to get up to his standard.  Then I met 3 farmers.  One pretended to shoot me... but one of them said that he protects the Badgers on his farm.  In the end they all gave me a hug and we had a photo taken together and I do hope they will send the picture so that I can show it to you.

I cannot go to DEFRA next Thursday because Mary has an urgent errand but she will try to get me and Bryony there on Wednesday instead.  I know that this will confuse all the lovely people at DEFRA who now expect to see me on Thursday.  Sorry Betty Badger friends.

Time to say Night Night 🐾🐾

Wet Feet and Smelly Humans

Hello Human Friends, 

I Betty Badger, have been busy getting ready for the new arrival- or should I say arrivals... Only a few weeks now before we will hear the patter of tiny paws in the sett.  I am slowing down a little, but that didn't stop me going with my Huwoman friend Mary to see DEFRA today.  As usual we caught the silver tubeworm which was lovely and warm.  I bet some people stay down there all day in the Winter just to keep warm and dry- and to save on those Bills that Hupeople have to pay.  We Badgers don't have Bills, or credit cards, or mortgages.... although we do get shot.... 

We were lucky to meet Mr Gove again today. 

He has a driver who leads him around in a shiny black car made of electricity so you can't hear it coming.  It was quite a surprise when Mr Gove popped out of the car beside me with a group of Chums.  Mr Gove waved at me and Mary congratulated him on his new Bill which acknowledges that Animals (including Badgers) are sentient and should be treated kindly.  

Sentient means that we have feelings and can think!!!!!  It also says that people should be punished for hurting Animals.  Since Mr Gove is responsible for killing 19,274 Badger friends this Autumn, if he gets the Bill turned into Law I imagine that he will be one of the first people to be imprisoned... Mary says that he will avoid that by saying that killing my friends was necessary therefore doesn't count, but all sensible know that killing Badgers certainly isn't necessary at all.  

My paws got very cold and wet today but I met some kind people and that made my DEFRA time bearable.  One nice Huwoman with yellow fur on her head offered to buy me a coffee; another Human said he would get me something to eat from Pret, but when I told him what I wanted he said that they don't sell worms... 

I am sure there would be a demand for them.    As you can see from the picture they sell cake and wraps and sushi. I think sushi is just rice and slimy dead fish and seaweed, so it is not that different from worms.  Nor is pasta.  They could sell worms in nice packages and call them something trendy such as Earth Spaghetti or Wormetti...

Two Humen shook my paw and congratulated me for what I was doing... I was only standing there, but I smiled anyway.....  I had lots of smiles and waves and hellos.  One Huwoman I spoke to had no idea that DEFRA had killed so many Badgers- and she worked in the offices

In my hours of vigil I got to thinking about a few things.  One of these is how Hupeople smell so strongly.  Do you know how much you smell?  Sometimes you smell so bad that I want to run away very fast.  I think the bad smell comes from these glass bottles and spray cans that, especially Huwomen, spray on their bodies and fur.  I think it is called perfume and hairspray.  One sniff and my poor nose starts to hurt.  I really can't understand why Humans don't want to smell like Humans...  Then there are those Hupeople who suck smoke from the white fire tubes.  I can smell them and their smoke a mile away. 

I don't think I will ever understand Hupeople.  

Mary wrote to Conservatories against the Cull this morning but she hasn't heard back from them yet...  We are also still waiting for a reply to our email to DEFRA in December.  You might have seen it on my earlier BLog. They promised to write back in 15 days but that hasn't happened.  Perhaps they are trying really really hard to find a reason why the Badger Cull is happening. 

I am also very sad that Mr Gove refused my request to have an appointment with him; still, I do see him most Thursdays and he might soon learn that I won't bite him and I definitely don't have TB and he might invite me in to the DEFRA sett for a little chat. 
Next time I write my BLog, I want to tell you my new theory about why the Conservatories are killing Badgers.  Blaming us for causing Bovine TB is just a smokescreen.  Here is a clue....  

Night Night,

Betty  Badger🐾🐾

Wonderful news and no Buts

The holidays have meant that my Human friends nave been a bit too busy to help me with my BLog, but everything is returning to normal now.  In any case it was so cold or so wet that we Badgers spent a lot of time underground to keep warm and escape the mud.

Anyway, I promised to tell you my wonderful news; Betty Badger is expecting cubs. Now, before you start accusing me of being unfaithful to my deceased Brian's memory and having a bit of slap and tickle with another boar, I must assure you that I have not.  Nor is it a miraculous impregnation like the Virgin Mary had that led to the birth of Jesus that so many Hupeople have been celebrating this December. In fact, Badgers, and a very few other Animals, have an ability to delay the implantation of our little embryo Badgers.  In fact we can hold on to them all safe and nurtured inside in suspended animation for over a year.  This is a Badger embryo:

I am expecting my new family members to be born in February, but I will keep visiting DEFRA while I am still able.  Now that I am having more babies I hope more than ever that the Badger Cull will be stopped this year.

As you know I was very upset to hear DEFRA's news about this Autumn's killing of 19,274 of my Badger friends.  They released the terrible news the night that Parliament closed and all the politicians were on their way home for their holidays and everyone else was so excited about the Christmas holidays to notice this tragedy.  I was so upset that I went straight down to DEFRA next morning wearing a new poster that my Human friend Larry made for me. I also wore Christmas lights and my santa hat to look festive.  Here is Larry's poster:

I have to admit that there were not many people at DEFRA on that Friday and those that were did not seem very friendly.  Probably they felt guilty. I came home to my sett feeling quite sad, but then was cheered up by hearing about all the other people who were upset about the killing too.  One Conservatory politician called Zac Goldsmith has called on  the Government to bring the Badger Killing to an end.  I think I will write to him to say thank you.

I have a wonderful event to look forward to in the next months but, like you Hupeople, I intend to make a new year's revolution.  My revolution is that I will work tirelessly until the cruel, unscientific killing of us Badger folk is brought to an end.  I hope that all my Human friends will also help look after their furry black and white cousins.

Happy New Year and Night Night,

Betty Badger
🐾🐾