Saturday 10 August 2019

Humpty Dumpty runs Defra

Hello Betty Fans.  Your Favourite Badger here again. Today I want to tell you about Angels, and Ministers and Ice Cream Vans. 

It is all change at Defra. Theresa Villiers is in charge and Mr Goldsmith is her Undersecretary.  That badger-hating Mr Eustice is the Farming Minister.  Mary has already asked for us to meet Mrs Villiers and she also wrote to her on the Book of Faces congratulating her on her new job and asking her to announce a Moratorium on the Killing of Badgers.  That means stop killing us for a while.  This is Ms Villiers:


Unlike Mr Eustice she does have some compassion for Animals as she doesn't like live Animal exports or Fox hunting.  I hear that she was in favour of killing Badgers but perhaps she might change her mind on that.  Mr Goldsmith likes animals and wants to stop the Badger Kill-Cull.  Me and Mary met him once at the Conservatory party Conference and he came and spoke to us. Here he is:
I suppose the important Question this not very bright Badger would like to ask  is "Who is really in charge at Defra and who has the Power?"  Is it the Ministers or is it the Civil Servants or is it the National Farmers Union (NFU). Many people think it is the NFU.  Otherwise why is the government following a policy that is unscientific and cannot work?  The only people who want us Badgers dead is Farmers. 90% of the British public and most vets and scientists want Killing to stop.

Anyway, Mary told me that she has "her heart in her mouth" every day when she wakes up and listens to Farming Today .


I thought that was a bit odd.  I can understand sucking your own fingers and toes but not your internal organs.  Mary says it is doesn't mean that but it means something like holding your breath in anticipation of something dreadful happening.  The dreadful thing Mary is upset about is the announcement  of this year's Badger Kill-Cull.  Last year it was announced on 13th August and that is only a few days away.

I think Mary might have a nervous breakdown if the Kill-Cull goes ahead. I think I will go into my sett and and never come out again in despair, because the rumour is that Defra wants to Kill 50,000 Badger Folk this year and for NO GOOD SCIENTIFIC REASON.   Mary says it is so wrong that it defies understanding.  She says it is as if we live in an Alice in Wonderland world. She told me about  Humpty Dumpty who says that words mean what he wants them to mean.  Defra is making science  and the Randomised Badger Cull Trial (RBCT) mean what it wants it to mean.   Lord Krebs and Professor Bourne who were involved in the RBCT say their results were misinterpreted.  Mary says it was a wilful misinterpretation, which sounds like a very bad thing..

So we Badgers and Mary and all the Badger-loving Hupeople hold our breaths and pray to whatever gods we believe in that the murderous insanity will stop.

Let's not talk about such horrible things any more today.   I want to tell you about the new feature at Defra Nobel House.  They now have a jolly Ice Cream Van that comes and visits them at lunchtime.  The staff become very excited and turn into little Hucubs when they eat their 99 ice creams with brown logs in them.  Mary says the logs are made of chocolate.  I think there must be a law about noise pollution in Westminster because the Ice Cream Van doesn't sing a song and that is probably a good thing because it would hurt my ears and my innate Badger sense of harmony.  I wish Mary would buy me a 99...  Here is  the Ice Cream Van:


 We got very hot indeed on our recent trips to Defra.  One Thursday it was so hot that Mary wouldn't let me come with her.  It was 35 degrees in London, Mary said.  Of course without me Mary doesn't make much of an impact but I think she must have made some impact because she got mauled by one of the strange Humen who hang around in Great Peter Street. Luckily a Huwoman came to her rescue and shouted at him and he ran away.  Actually, another odd character kissed me on my long furry nose the previous week so even a huge badger isn't safe  outside Defra.

Another Angel came to our rescue last week when we were fainting with the heat. A Huwoman from America came along and thrust a blue container into my paw.  She told me it was a cold soya latte.  It looked very odd as it had lumps of glass in the cup. 

Mary told me it was frozen water and not glass so we shared it.  It really perked us up and probably saved us from heatstroke.  Some Hupeople are wonderful.   But some are not.. like those Badge Baiters you might have heard about but it upsets me too much to write about.  Mary says they are going to prison for six months.  I hope they get hurt at least as much in prison as they hurt the badgers and the dogs.



I really don't understand how these Hupeople take pleasure in hurting innocent animals.  And Defra has made matters worse for Badgers because the Badger Kill-Cull has given the cruel Humen an excuse for killing us Badgers since the government it also doing it.  Mary says it has given farmers and thugs open season on killing Badgers.  This is so sad.

I meet so many interesting people outside Defra.  Last week I met a man who, like me, couldn't read.  And he wasn't at all worried about it as he gets by.  Mary had to tell him what our signs meant, such as the one I wear which says "I am innocent".  We also chat to the Human whose mother is getting dotty and Mary gives him good advice. We also have lots and lots of support from Hupeople who says things such as "Thank you for doing  this for the Badgers" and "Keep it up Betty".  And we get our pictures taken every week and we are all over social media, whatever that is. And we get those lovely Defra angels who keep us safe from mad and angry Hupeople that wander round London Town streets and who stop us dying from heat stroke and despair.

Here is a nice picture of a Badger to remind us how lovely Badgers are and what we are fighting for..

If you have a God please pray that Theresa Villiers will have the courage to stop the Kill-Cull.  It is wrong and cruel and, one day, you Hupeople will see how wrong you were to do this to innocent Badgers.

Night Night,

Betty 🐾🐾🐾