Today at Defra we had a wonderful surprise when a Human called John presented us with our favourite food- a Peanut Butter and Marmite sandwich. And it was on nice seedy bread. He did say he was going to put worms in it as well but because of the frost he wasn't able to dig any up. Mary was relieved.
Although the sandwich looked delicious we were both a bit anxious about eating it. There is a Human saying,"Beware of Greeks bearing gifts" which means don't trust Hupeople who bring you presents; they could well be playing a trick on you.
We Badgers love peanuts even more than worms: Here is a picture from The Ecologist to prove it:
You might recall that Badgers are killed in the kill-cull by putting peanuts in traps and then because we can't resist them we get trapped and shot. John might work under cover for George Eustice and poisoned the sandwich to stop me and Mary getting on his nerves and embarrassing him. And it might have had Cow breast milk butter in it and Cows are the source of so much trouble for Badgers. As John doesn't appear to be Greek, we decided to risk eating it. And it was delicious. I am here to tell the tale without a stomach ache.
In fact peanut butter and Marmite is such a wonderful combination that Marmite has brought out a product ready made for us. More about peanuts later.
We are most grateful to John and other Hupeople who give us nice things to eat. We don't drink much though because Mary doesn't want me urinating around Westminster. Actually, I think she is more worried about her own continence since Tena didn't agree to sponsor us. I think we might have done their product some good. Perhaps Marmite will sponsor us instead...
Today we met Tony Juniper, The head of Natural England again. We saw him a couple of weeks ago too and Mary was angry because he wouldn't stop and talk to her. He gave us a nice smile today and Mary must have been a a good mood because she said perhaps he is quietly working for Badgers from the inside of Defra. I think Mary is too trusting or possibly deluded.
We also met an angry human who wanted to shoot me. He held me responsible for a Badger killing his friend's Geese. He should have looked after his Geese better. Foxes and Badgers cannot resist the smell of poultry...especially Chickens, although I am restraining myself with Mary's Chickens. She is getting 6 more next week so she will have 14. She probably wouldn't miss the odd one then as 14 is a large number for her to count. Here's Orlando the chicken:
I gave one of my cubs, Bessie, away to a homeless man today. He asked for one and promised to treasure it so we said goodbye. We meet a lot of homeless people in West Minster. There is now a Huwoman in Pimlico station. Here is her picture:
She has a lot of things for a Homeless Huperson. She needs a shopping trolley to carry it all. I wonder what happened to the homeless dog? I hope it didn't die from drinking the chlorine in the moat around 2 Marsham Street. All the homeless dogs used to drink from there.
Mary has been talking the Homeless Humen about the Election. They all want to vote for Labour but haven't registered as voters..Mary told them that if they care for Badgers and homeless Hupeople then they need to register to vote. As they don't have addresses they might not be able to but Mary asked them to try to get register at a hostel. I hope my cub Bessie will be reminding them. Bessie Badger is now among the Street Homeless but I'm sure she will soon dig a nice warm sett somewhere. Mr Johnson has just announced that he if he wins the election he will kill 50,000 more badgers next year. I might get Mary to register me and her other Badger friends to vote so Mr Johnson doesn't win.
We were very cold at Defra these last two weeks and I saw Mary eyeing my fur enviously. You Hupeople really are naked Apes. Clearly Badgers are further up the evolutionary ladder because we don't need to wear silly clothes and then publish loads of magazines about fashion. Mary has just bought a new hat to keep her head warm, but it hasn't got a dead animal bobble on top like these ones:
I will be wearing my Santa hat again soon to celebrate your festive season and make Defra staff feel guilty.... Here's a picture of me in my hat last year when the number of dead badgers had just been announced for the 2018 kill-cull. Mary covered me in blood to make a point. I imagine that Mr Johnson will hold back this year's figures until after the Election.
Back to peanuts. I'm very glad that Mary likes peanuts almost as much as I do. We have a lot in common. She eats them several times a day and her dentist told her she has molars like a ruminant from chewing them all the time; they will wear away soon. She says she not worried because she can have artificial teeth put in. They drill holes in your mouth bones and screw in bits of metal!!! Whatever next?
Did you know that peanuts grow under the ground? Here is the evidence:
They can be grown in this country but, sadly, farmers don't want grow them here, The internet Oracle says you can buy plants so I will ask Mary to buy some. We can both sit in the garden eating them together. If peanuts did grow in this country I think I would stay underground and eat my way around the fields. I would be a very happy Betty Badger, Still, that would give farmers another reason to shoot Badgers.
I don't know if I mentioned that Mary is a Vegan. I'm not because I eat worms....and chickens... Mary has become trendy for the first time in her life because so many Hupeople want to become Vegan to save the planet. Also, because she has been Vegan for 25 years she is something of a media personality as she appears on the radio and tells everyone her bones haven't crumbled Hupeople who are carnivores think vegans live on Avocados and Coconut oil and something called Keen wa and then they blame them for importing food from the other side of the world and making the planet hot with their planes but, as far as I can see, Mary lives on potatoes and baked beans and apples, which grow around here. Mary became Vegan for the animals and not the planet but I suppose we are all connected. Here's a picture Mary got from the Book of Faces:
I think I may be with Cubs. I can feel the spark of new Badger life glowing inside my belly. Those of you who have been reading me for a couple of years will know that pregnant Badgers can hold on to their embryos for more than a year before they allow them to grow. We won't let them grow if we think there is danger around. I will wait until the election to see if the Conservatories win. If they do then I will probably not let the Badger seeds come into life at all. I don't want to bring them into a world where there are so many cruel Humen with flash-bang sticks trying to kill them.
I have to stop now because it is nice damp night and there are a lot of worms up on the surface to eat; we will have a bit of a party tonight.
I will leave you with a picture of my cubs at Defra. I hope we bump into Bessie next Thursday when we go back. We might even meet the cub we gave to Mr Gove.... but that's another story.
Betty Badgers🐾🐾
