Thursday 26 October 2017

Betty Badger is beaten by Microsoft

Betty Badger is incommunicado for a while because Microsoft killed her Human friend Bob's computer with an Update, whatever one of those is. He is wailing about losing his pictures and his music and his programmes. Betty is sitting with Bob helping to support him through this difficult time.... but would prefer to be outside DEFRA trying to make a difference.  I will be back!

Friday 20 October 2017

Betty Badger meets David Dimbleby......or is it Richard.... or Jonathan

The excitement of this badger's life continues.  My Human friend Bob was told by his friend  Neill that a TV programme called Question Time was being held in Dun Stable near where Neill lives and he might like to go to talk about what DEFRA is doing to Badgers.  Neill told his Huwoman friend Mary who said she would like to go too.  They asked if I would like to go.  Now I wasn't too keen on the idea at first because I thought he was talking about a TB programme and I certainly don't want to get that or I will definitely be dead.  And I am not sure I wanted to spend an evening with a load of brown Horses in a stable.

Bob explained that it was Dunstable not a stable for Dun Horses and TV was not the same as TV so I said OK

Well, the BBC aims to have a balanced audience so not Bob or Neill were allowed to go because they are white british middle aged heterosexual men ( whatever than means) a group of people who like to go to ask questions on programmes.  But Mary who is a Huwoman is underrepresented on these TV shows so she was allowed to go.  Mary hid me and Bryony in her bag and drove us to Dunstable. Here we are in the bag:



It was quite boring until Mr Dimbleby stood on a chair and told all 150 of us that the TV programme likes to have arguments and shouting.  He said that the programme would be boring if we agreed with each other.  This is David Dimbleby.... or is is Richard, or is it Jonathan.  I wasn't really sure but then Mary told me that Richard likes Wildlife not Questions and only this week had said that the Badger Cull should stop.  I don't think David is too interested in Animals.


Image result for david dimbleby question time
All the Hupeople had to think of a question they would like to ask on the programme; it had to be 20 words or less.  Mary asked 2 questions about killing badgers. One was "Why are badgers being shot Tonight when most experts agree that the cull is unscientific, cruel, expensive and cannot work."  

Her other question said something like, "Government says that Austerity is our solution. How can we afford to slaughter 33,500 Badgers as a cost of £7,000 each.  That's Millions!"

The lady who took her question papers had not heard of The Badger Cull and wrote down that Badgers were being killed while the programme was going on.  She wrote down the number 33,500 on her piece of paper to be sure not to forget it.  So Mary thought she would get her question asked.

After hours and hours we were let into the theatre and there were lots of lights and Hupeople with things called cameras and microphones.  There were all sorts of Hupeople around us: Humen, Huwomen, old and young, pink and brown and a person with purple hair who said she was a Trans, which is not the same as a tram that I saw in Man Chester.  Mary was very excited to ask about killing Badgers on the TV so that Millions of Hupeople would learn about The Cull.  Even a not very bright Badger like me might have guessed that Badgers are not as important as Brexit.  Animals, even killing them, are not "Topical".  Instead there were questions about spanking, Universal Credit, Iphones, fat people not being allowed operations and fly-tipping.  Actually, fly-tipping is quite important because sometimes Badgers get injured by it.  The theatre was purple to match the Hutrans hair:

Image result for david dimbleby question time

Mary was very sad that she should not get the world to know about the killing and she is not sure what to do next to save her Badger friends. 

Still, the people on the stage were very clever and inlcuded a man called The Reverend Richard Coles who is a Dancing Priest who seemed very kind and I am sure he would not hurt Badgers.  I wasn't so sure about Chris Grayling  who seemed quite uncomfortable especially when Hupeople argued about Universal Credit, which seems to be about starving poor Hupeople and making them lose their nests, although I am not really sure.  I enjoyed the car journey home and Mary bought us some redskin peanuts in the 24 Tesco .  We had a feast when we got back.

I didn't say much about my second trip to DEFRA.   You might have guessed that I was a bit miserable and very wet when I got back.  It wasn't as exciting as TV but I did meet some interesting people.  I met some friendly Humen who, like Badgers, enjoy digging holes.  They wanted their pictures taken.





I also met some very strange trees:


And I saw the Tate Gallery. 



I am not sure about galleries because I heard that they sometimes put Animals like Sheep and Cows in water in plastic boxes and come and stare at them.  I definitely don't want that to happen to me.


  Image result for sheep in formaldehyde

I don't think I will ever understand Hupeople.

Night night  from Betty Badger  🐾 





Wednesday 18 October 2017

Mr Gove Talks to Betty



I went to DEFRA again today but it was a dreadfully rainy my fur got soaked. I can't get my paws warm and my back hurts from standing on my hind paws for hours. BUT>>> 


Image result for michael gove



.....it was worth it because Mr Gove came out of his office and said "Hello".  That is real progress.  At this rate we will be friends soon.






I have to go in my sett and get warm now.  I am not sure that I will get much sleep as the Humen with flash-bang guns are very busy ..


Night night  🐾

Tuesday 17 October 2017

Betty meets Mr. Gove- at last

What an amazing day.  I went to see The DEFRA.  It is near a big River called the Thames .  Badgers are good swimmers but the River was very brown so I thought it might be dirty.  Here is a picture of a map which is supposed to help you find your way..  I got lost:

In fact The DEFRA is a building full of Humen and Huwomen and most of them don't wear blue suits.  Some do and they pretended that they didn't see me.  This is DEFRA and this is me outside DEFRA:





The Humen and huwomen without suits who live at DEFRA are mostly much more friendly than the ones at Downing Street.  Most of them waved at me. The security Humen were a bit worried about me, probably because they had never seen a Badger before and they asked if I had a petition to hand in.  I didn't know what one of those was and I said that I just wanted to stand for a few hours and meet the DEFRA Humans.  He didn't know what to do with a solitary Badger so told me to not get in the way of Hupeople and showed me the camera that would be watching me.  This is the camera I stood under:


I hope they didn't watch me eat my lunch because I can be a bit of a messy eater, as those worms do wriggle quite a lot.


I soon discovered what a petition was as some nice Hupeople with pictures of very strange animals came to hand in a petition.  This was asking for Primates (like hairy Humen) not to be kept as pets.  I have to agree with them; Badgers wouldn't like to  be pets nor would Hupeople as we all want to be free to wander around and do our things.  
I then met two lovely people from a place called Birmingham which is nearly as far as Man Chester.  They want to stop animals being skinned and worn as fur by the Hupeople.  I haven't seen any naked Hupeople yet so I guess they have enough clothes already.  DEFRA must be a very powerful  building if it can make such important decisions on Primates and fur and on killing Badgers.




And then it happened.  Mr Gove appeared.  As my friends know, I have been waiting for an appointment with Mr Gove for months but he is a very busy Human and I am still waiting.  But here he was today, bouncing up the steps to DEFRA... and he waved at me!!!  I did ask if I could have a photo taken with him but he dashed off.  So I have to borrow a picture.  I think he will like this picture- he does look a bit strange in some of the other ones:

Image result for michael Gove

He looks very kind here so I hope that he will see me and change his mind about killing Badgers.  Apparently he made a speech last week about being kind to Elephants which live in hot places like Africa and India.  If he is kind to animals then he will probably stop the killing of 33,500 of my Badger friends this Autumn.  If I do get to see him properly and talk to him I will tell him how my Husband Badger Brian was shot by his people leaving me with my three cubs Benjamin, Bryony and Boniface to look after on my own.  We are all heartbroken.  We miss Brian Badger so much.

I am not sure that DEFRA is a good place to live.  Lots of Hupeople there gave me the "thumbs  up" and I had a couple of Hi5s but not many would talk to me.  A few said that they agreed that I was innocent and told me to keep up the good work, but most of them looked a bit worried when they waved at me.  Two lovely Humen offered me cake! Then one of them said that they had been told not to talk to me and they were probably worried that they might get into trouble withe the DEFRA Big Humen in blue suits.  I could tell that some of them were quite stressed because they popped out and ate smoke or fog from a little tube to cheer themselves up.

DEFRA is in Smith Square where there is a Church that sells food and plays music.  A fan called Tom left me a comment on my BLog the other day about the Great Cosmic Badger who will look after me.  I wonder if HE or SHE was in the Church today looking after me?


I had such a lovely time today that I will probably go back tomorrow to see some of the new friends I made.  A Huwoman and a Human recognised me from Downing Street so Betty Badger is getting quite famous.  That would be nice, if it stops DEFRA hurting us.

I so hope that Mr Gove talks to me tomorrow.  

Night night 🐾

Monday 16 October 2017

Wind

If there is one thing we Badgers really hate it is wind- and flash-bang sticks of course.... and we don't like dogs much either.   So I am staying in my sett tonight and packing my worm lunch box for my trip to see The DEFRA tomorrow.  

I wonder if they will have friendly Policehumen?  

I thought you might like to see a picture of me hugging a fat Badger called Boris from Hertfordshire:


He should last through The Cold Time with those fat reserves.  But I will always stay loyal to my Brian.

Badgers in Hertfordshire are not being killed by The DEFRA at present.  Let's hope they will stop the killing in The West soon.  If they carry on, we will have to take a long journey to escape.

Night Night🐾


Saturday 14 October 2017

Brexit Badger

Downing Street is so much fun as I meet so many different Humen, Huwomen and Hucubs each time I visit but, sigh, still not the Chief Conservatory Mrs May.  Betty Badger will have to try a new strategy ...

I, Betty Badger, and some Humen go to Downing Street hoping to have our voices heard, but I am not sure anyone is listening.  I met these people talking about wrongful imprisonment of some men in India.  They wished me luck and shook my paw:  




There is another person called Nazanin Ratcliffe who has been kept in a cage in Iran.  So it is not just Badgers that are being treated unjustly.  My Human friend Bob says that we are all prawns in the political chess game between powerful Humen.  I am not sure what that means but I do know that there are a lot of sad and angry Hupeople visiting Downing Street.

Once again the Humen in blue suits tried to avoid my eye but this time a Human in a blue suit actually came up to me and said I might like to go and visit The DEFRA next time.  Since it is The DEFRA that is killing the Badgers I think that is a very good plan.  Also, it means I can sit down when I get tired because you are not allowed to sit or lie on the ground near Downing street because of a special law.  

Also a Journalist came and took my picture and listened to my story.  



We agreed that I will never become famous and get the Badger Voice heard unless I can find a link with The Brexit.  I wonder if I should change my name to Brexit Badger.  Bob told me that the EU is part of the reason why Badgers are being killed.  Apparently Cows don't just stand around in fields all day but they give their milk and their boy Cowcubs to the Humen.  Some Cowcubs are killed but some of them, and the milk, are sent across the sea in huge boats.  The EUmans don't like the Cows if they have had an Inoculation against BTB so rather than giving cows  an Inoculation our DEFRA says to kill badgers instead.  I am sorry but I really don't understand the ways of Humen.  

I saw my favourite PoliceHuman again and he introduced me to his friends.  They were friendly too.  They have to stand up for hours - every day.  They must get so tired with all those toys to carry.


As I probably won't be visiting Mrs May again for a while I took some pictures of my trip back. This was the best thing I saw.  A gold deer with wings.  We don't get many of those in my countryside.


 And then I saw a Human standing on top of a big pole.  I would have been very dizzy indeed:


But the best thing of all was meeting the Pigeons.  They told me how, in the olden days, they used to live on cliffs by the sea.  But Humans drop so much food in cities that the pigeons decided to move from the seaside so they would get more food.  I don't think that would work for Badgers though- Humans don't drop many worms when they are out and about on their important business, which seems to consist in walking backwards and forwards very fast looking very worried.  One day they might turn into Tourists and look happier and walk more slowly.

I will now stay at home near my sett for a few days and continue to get it ready for The Cold Time.  I mentioned the other day that we Badgers eat lots of food this time of year to give ourselves fat reserves for those dark days. Badgers dream and the other night I dreamed that I grew so fat that I got stuck in my tunnel.  To be on the safe side, I am just making the tunnels a little wider...

Night Night 🐾🐾

Wednesday 11 October 2017

Betty Revisits Mrs May

Yesterday I went back to Downing Street in London Town to try to see one of the Conservatories Mrs May or Mr Gove who are responsible for killing Badgers.  They don't leave their sett very often, unless they go through a secret tunnel.  Badgers have lots of entrances too so we can sometimes escape from creatures trying to hurt us. 



However Mrs May, the Chief Huwoman, has lots of visitors.  There are two types of Humen around her sett: the ones that protect her with flash-bang sticks 


and Humen in suits.  Most of them wear blue, which must be the Conservatories favourite colour. Here are the blue Humen:



I met loads of lovely Humen and Huwomen who looked very serious until I waved my paw at them and suddenly a big smile broke out on their faces.  I don't suppose they see many Badgers in central London Town.  I met a Hucouple from Australia who were very friendly and chatted for ages.  I met lots of Hucubs of all ages and the little ones asked me to do a badger dance... so I did.... quite a few times.  The older ones wanted to bang paws with me in something they called a Hi5.  A few Humen tapped me on the shoulder and said they were on my side.  Most of the Humen in blue suits tried to pretend they didn't see me, but I knew they did. 

I met one person, a Farmer, who shouted and me and said I was not innocent and I should be killed because I am responsible for the killing of all the Hedge Hogs.  I tried to explain that Badgers do eat a few Hedge Hogs, but we mostly eat Worms.  The main reason for the decline in Hedge Hogs is farming practices, housing developments and poor hedge management but, as usual, Humen don't want to hear the truth.

One other person I met was a Huwoman with a Dog as big as a Horse.  The Dog sniffed me a lot- I was worried... Here is the Dog with his Huwoman.  I am not sure of her chances of keeping hold of him if he saw a rabbit- but I guess there aren't too many rabbits in Whitehall:


I had my photo taken by Tourists from all around the World but the most exciting thing was that a Human took my picture and put it in the Book of Faces and lots of Hupeople said they Liked me.  Here is his picture:




I must mention a kind PoliceHuman who talked to me.  We both noticed a Dodgy Character and were worried that he might do something bad to Mrs May and the Tourists.  I kept an eye on him.... and hid behind a tree. This is the nice Policehuman and I hope I will see him tomorrow when I go back: 

Before I went home to my sett I thought it would be good to visit Canary Wharf which I thought would be full of Canaries.  It was a bit of a disappointment as there wasn't a single bird of any kind because there were only a few trees, of the sort that birds don't like, but there were lots of people scurrying around like ants:


The buildings were very high indeed and touched the clouds.  Some of my pictures are very fuzzy because I felt so dizzy when I looked up at them:



I think it looks better fuzzy anyway.

I have to admit that I am feeling quite sad because it seems unfair that Mrs May and the Humen in suits are not listening to Betty Badger, or to the really clever Scientists who keep telling them that Badgers are not to blame for BTB.  I am extra sad because the nice Mr Jeremy Corbyn who likes Animals so much that he doesn't eat them, not even Worms, isn't doing anything to help us either.  I did write to him but the Hupeople that surround him didn't give him my letter.  

Tomorrow is another day.  Perhaps I will meet a Huperson who will listen and not have their fingers in their ears.  We Badgers can't put our fingers in our ears because our claws are too long and we would hurt our brains...But they are very useful for digging.

Night night friends.  🐾🐾

Monday 9 October 2017

Getting ready for The Cold Time

My Badger Cubs have settled down after all the horrors of yesterday. Today we were busy preparing our sett for The Cold Time.  We spend a lot of time Underground when it is cold so we need to make sure that all the tunnels and chambers are clean and snug full of lovely bedding.  Here is a picture of me collecting bedding drawn by a man called Michael Clark who really loves Badgers.  He likes Badgers so much that he has written a whole book about us.




We also need to eat a lot more than usual at this time of year to keep us going through The Cold Time.  We can grow enormously fat and wobbly so our tunnels have to be big enough for us to get in and out.  

Some Humen and Huwomen like to go Badger watching.  They sit quietly in a glass shed called a Hide and as it gets dark they wait for us to come out.  They put dog food or peanuts to tempt us out.  We think this is very funny and sometimes we will make them wait ages before we come out.  We sit inside the tunnel laughing at them.  They think we can't see them but we see them well enough and they really smell, especially some of the Huwomen who cover themselves in strange strong scents.  Perhaps that is to put the Humen off wanting to mate with them.

Badgers like mating and, like Humen and Huwomen, we do it all year.  Sometimes Brian and I would have fun with the Hupeople at the Hide and make them blush by having a bit of "slap and tickle". But not when it was an evening for the Hucubs.  I so miss my mate....We also pop in and out of our sett to confuse them about how many we are.  

But we like the Humen and Huwomen who come to see us because they are kind and don't want to kill us.  It is best if you don't tell your friends about where we live because some Humen will come back later and dig us out, make us fight with their big dogs and kill our cubs.  Humen are a confusing species.  

This is a picture of some Badger lovers who are trying to stop the killing.  Thousands of them got together and walked to Mrs May's house to tell her not to hurt us.


As I haven't heard back from Mr Gove yet, I will ask my Human friend Bob to take me to London again tomorrow to see if I can see Mr Gove, or Mrs May.  It will be nice to see the Hupolice again.

Night Night 🐾

Sunday 8 October 2017

Good News and Bad News

It was such a scary time that I didn't write my Badger diary last night.  I am sure you were all worried in case I had been shot by the Humen with the flash-bang sticks.   Well here I am safe and well.

After I last wrote I went out looking for the cubs.  I called and Boniface and Benjamin ran to me.  They had terrible news that Bryony was caught in a peanut trap set by the Humen.  Bryony just can't resist the scent of peanuts.  We all ran across the field to where the boycubs had left her and there was the trap- empty...



We were so worried that she had been shot and taken away, but suddenly we heard a snuffling and shuffling and Byrony came running towards us.  



Bryony told us how a group of Humen and Huwomen came out of the dark dressed in black and took her out of the cage. They were Badger friendly Humen and Huwomen.  She told us about them so we would remember them.  There was the older Humen who she called Bright Eyes because he had blue eyes that shone like the lake in moonlight.  Then there was Badgerman who had hair on his face like badger hair.  Then there was a Huwoman who had a ring through her nose who he called Snow White because she was pale and then there was the Huwoman with her long light fur piled on top of her head and her name was Wombly.  

It is so good to know that there are some kind Humen and Huwomen, but there are not enough to save all our Badger friends.  Bob our Human friend told us that THE DEFRA will kill 33,000 Badgers this Autumn.  That is a huge number - too big to think of. I didn't think there were that many Badgers in the whole world.

Later we found Barbara who had not been so lucky. I am sure her family will be so very sad that she did not come home. This is Barbara.  Bob told us that the string and paper that looked like a gift tag told the Humen how many Badger Friends had been killed last night in our area.  Barbara was 200:



I hope the cubs have learned their lesson and will keep away from metal cages no matter how many peanuts are inside.

Bob said how few Humens know about the Badger killing and asked me to go with him to an Apple Day where there were lots of people who care about Nature and Wildlife.  So I told everyone about the Killing and I made lots of friends, young and not so young, Humen and Huwomen...... and dogs








The very best thing about today was the Honey Shop.  I took a jar back to the sett for the cubs, but I will need to get Bob to open it for me.  Humen have their uses.




Night Night Humen and Huwomen from a much happier Betty 🐾

Friday 6 October 2017

Fear and Trembling in Badger World

Although I promised to tell you about the horrible Conservatory Human who shouted at me over the Hedge Hogs, there is a dreadful emergency going on so I have to deal with that now.




I can hear the Humen with guns close by and I am scared for my cubs Benjamin, Bryony and Boniface who are out foraging.  They are the most important thing in my world and I have to go and find them.  I do hope they are safe.  Perhaps they have found a hole to hide in,,,,,

I don't understand why the Humen are so cruel to us Badgers when we just mind our own business, eating worms and bringing up our cubs


I must go and look for them along our badger paths.




Badger photo from Herts and Middlesex Badger group.  Badger gratitude to my Human and Huwoman friends. 🐾

Thursday 5 October 2017

Betty Badger & Mrs. May's Cough- Is there a connection?


It needs to be put on record that I, Betty Badger, am not responsible for Mrs. May's cough.  Yes, I was seen outside the Midland Hotel yesterday where the Conservatory Clan Conference was held, but I did not get close to Mrs May, even though some Human did manage to get very close indeed. I hear through the grapevine that Boris (not a Badger) put chilli powder on the microphone to cause her to cough.  He put some more in her water to make cough worse and not better when she had a drink to stop coughing.  Clever Human!



It is the Badger Blame Culture that is causing Badgers to get shot right now.  Just because we share the same countryside it is our fault when the cows get coughs.  My Human friend Bob says we are Scape Goats for poor farming practices and testing regimes.  Bob might be right about that, but I am not sure that I want to be called a Goat. 


This is a nice colourful sign I saw a lot of over the past couple of days:



In spite of its bright colours, it made some Humen and Huwomen quite angry and they made a lot of noise in a protest against Austerity.  So not only are the Conservatories killing badgers, I hear that they are also unkind to old and disabled Humans.  Here are the protesters:


I have to admit that they were making so much noise that I had to hide for a while as I was so scared, but the Police Humans were much braver than me.  Actually, I really liked the Police Humans in their bright yellow tops and they wanted their photos taken with me to give to their cubs. They were so kind because I am a Badger and quite rare in Man Chester, probably because the ground is really hard for the cars and there is hardly any grass.   One Police Human called The Bronzed Commander got his friends to pretend to arrest me to get a picture for the even more important Silvery Commander, who I imagine wore a silver hat.  


They were a bit worried about playing with me too much because they could get in trouble for having too much fun.  One Police Huwoman came and sat with me when I got tired and she was worried that I was sad.  We sat in the rain and I talked about losing my Brian to the Humen with guns and we talked about our homelands,  She came from Solihull which is "a bit posh" and, although the Sollihullians talk strangely, they are very friendly. Another Police Human told me how he didn't like zoos where all the animals were kept in cages.  I could be friends with him.  I will miss these Police Humans who realised that I was not going to hurt the Conservative Humans and let me get really close to them and shake their paws.  I hope they read this one day.


Anyway, I promised I would tell you a bit more about my journey.  After I got to Euston :


I found the Virgin Train, which looks just like a big brightly coloured Badger.  I suppose this makes sense since we are both designed for going down tunnels.  I wonder if Human Branson would consider supporting us Badgers against the Conservatory Killers in lieu of royalties for pinching our design....




Another amazing thing I found at Euston was a metal box containing food that Humans had to put money in.  If no one had been watching I think I might have got inside- we badgers have very strong claws:

Also at Euston I found a shop where you can buy bodies.  I am not sure what kind of bodies they sell.... or if they are for eating.  Here is me and a Huwoman coming out with a body in her bag:


On the Virgin Train I found a shiny latrine with water in it!!!  Soil is perfectly adequate for Badgers:



I mentioned yesterday that I stayed with Chris in a lovely comfy bed in his sett in the sky overlooking humans in a hive.  It was a bit too far off the ground for me but cosy.  Here I am looking out over the balcony at the Human hive wondering if they make Honey.


I met so many kind people in Man Chester and lots of them took my picture and shook my paw, even some Conservatories, who were a bit embarrassed about being seen shaking my paw.  Perhaps they would get in trouble from Mrs May or Mr Gove, who still hasn't agreed to see me.  I will never give up hope that I can show him how wrong it is to kill Badgers, because we are innocent (except for eating bees, wasps and, very occasionally, Hedgehogs.)  On the subject of  Hedgehogs I did meet a really horrible Conservatory Human who shouted at me for eating Hedgehogs.  I am so upset at how rude he was that I will have to leave until another to tell you about Badgers and Hedgehogs.

One final lovely thing was the journey home.  I was allowed to travel in First Class!  The other Humans were a bit worried because I am not the usual sort of First Class Person but I behaved as well as a Badger can and I didn't gobble down too much of the free food and drink. 

Night Night, from Betty🐾


Bob the Human tells me that if you want to comment on this blog you should be able to do so if you click (whatever that means) on the section that currently says "No comment".  Yes, that does sound a bit silly but it might work.