Gosh! Mr Gove Goes Green

I, Betty Badger, had a jolly time at DEFRA yesterday.  It didn't rain!  I saw lots of my new friends and Mr Gove said "Gosh!"

I went to West Minster with my cub Bryony and my Huwoman friend Mary. Bryony was so excited to go on the shiny tubeworm underground and to see all the tall human setts called buildings. She was dizzy at their height when she looked up at them.  She was really impressed by this building:

I told her it is called the House of Parliament which is a sett where all the most important Hupeople meet together and shout at each other and make laws.  Laws are rules that Hupeople are supposed to live by such as making it illegal to kill Badgers because we are a protected species.......  

Bryony was quite scared of all the Cars though because, as we all know, Cars and Badgers don't mix well.  Cars are the biggest cause of Badger death- even more that The Kill Cull.  I don't know why Humen have to move so fast.

Mary was very clever because she brought along a camping stool for me.  She said she wanted to look after me because of "my condition" and she did let me and Bryony sit on it for a while.    Here is the evidence:

However I think Mary had an ulterior motive because she soon sat on it herself .  She said her knees were aching.  I think that is because she is getting old and has got fat over Christmas so is putting more weight on her joints. One of the reasons Mary is putting on fat is because  she is secretly eating the peanuts she buys for me.  Perhaps she is turning into a Badger.  Here is Badgers' favourite food - except Worms:

We Badgers like to get fat in The Cold Time because it keeps us going when the worms are so far underground that we cannot eat them.  Many Huwomen go on something called "Diets" in January, the middle of The Cold Time, which is a bit silly because they need to keep warm then.  

Mary thinks that Mr Gove is making a bid to become the Head of The Green Party, which sounds like a lot of fun.  Have you noticed that he has taken to wearing a green Tie? The following picture from the newspaper shows his nice green tie and he is carrying a green drinks container which is also Green, which means that it is kind to the environment.  



I waited for hours while Mr Gove was in DEFRA having important meetings about cups and fish and farm subsidies.  I knew he was there because his quiet black car sat outside with his lovely kind driver in it. Eventually he came out in his green tie and he saw me and Bryony on our new stool and he noticed our sign saying that 19,274 of our Badger friends were killed in the Cull.  He seemed quite surprised by the number, especially when Mary told him that was how many Badgers were killed this Autumn. So he said "Gosh".  Which is a very nice word full of meaning...


The other thing I noticed in London Town was how many people are wearing dead Animal fur on their hats.  

My friend Mary told me that most of them don't realise that the fur is real when they buy the hats because it often says fake fur on the label   The people who sell the hats say it is fake because they know that most Hupeople are kind and don't want to wear Animals’ fur on their heads because they know how much the Foxes and Cats and Dogs and Rabbits and Raccoons (whatever they are) have suffered.  Some Animals are kept imprisoned in cages and their skin is taken off them sometimes when they are still alive. I felt very sick when she told me that.  But some Hupeople are not worried about that.  Someone called Kurt Geiger who makes clothes for rich Huwomen makes these hats with foxes and racoons on them. Here is one of his hats:

Which leads me on to my realisation last week about the real reason behind the Badger Kill.  Remember this picture?  

I bet you didn't know that most shaving brushes are made from Badger fur.  Here are some more examples from The Google Oracle:

The British Government thought it was a really good idea to become the world leader in the production of shaving brushes.  So that the Markets wouldn't catch on to what they were doing, they invented the Cull and said that Badgers had to be killed to stop the spread of disease.  This explains why in the Parliamentary Debate last Spring Mr George Eustice had to admit that none of the thousands of Badgers killed had been tested for Bovine TB. He didn't want anyone to find out the truth that the Badgers did not have the disease.

Of course, what happened then was that all the Humen in the Western World decided to grow beards.  Like these Humen:

So Conservatories have spent Millions and Millions of Pounds on killing Badgers for no good reason.  But we all knew that didn't we.  And there are lots of Badger shaving brushes going cheap and flooding the shaving brush market.  Perhaps they might sell them to Huwomen instead....

One last thing.  I have made some lovely friends outside DEFRA.  Two Humen in particular are very kind and talk to me and say how nice it is to see me.  One of them wears such a bright white shirt that it makes my fur look grubby.  I had to start grooming myself urgently to get up to his standard.  Then I met 3 farmers.  One pretended to shoot me... but one of them said that he protects the Badgers on his farm.  In the end they all gave me a hug and we had a photo taken together and I do hope they will send the picture so that I can show it to you.

I cannot go to DEFRA next Thursday because Mary has an urgent errand but she will try to get me and Bryony there on Wednesday instead.  I know that this will confuse all the lovely people at DEFRA who now expect to see me on Thursday.  Sorry Betty Badger friends.

Time to say Night Night 🐾🐾