Mischief Afoot and Betty gets wet Paws -again

Despite the late autumn lethargy, Betty Badger is determined to keep Badgers in the public eye, so off I trot every Thursday to DEFRA. Today I decided to enter in to the festive spirit and wore a hat, which my friends a DEFRA liked.  



Here are a few pictures taken by some nice Humen I met.  The last one is what they call a Selfie, which means me trying to take a picture of myself.  It was not very successful...

This next one is a Human from Deliveroo who arrived carrying one piece of paper.  It must have been a very important piece of paper... 

This is my attempt at a selfie.  I think the camera was upside down... or maybe I was.

I got quite worried because a Human with 2 cameras was watching me for hours under his umbrella.  I was worried in case he was collecting evidence against me to stop me coming again, so I was careful to wave nicely and not to poo anywhere.  Not that I would.  I am not like those Hupeople who put bags of poo all over the countryside.  I wonder if they think it is decorative? Or maybe it is a sacrifice to the Gods of the Trees. Perhaps someone will tell me.  Here is a bag of poo I saw recently:

Well,  I got very wet indeed as we  had a downpour and my feet were cold. After a few hours I couldn't stand the tension any longer so I trundled up to the man with the cameras under the umbrella and he told me that he wasn't interested in me, but in Mr. Gove.  I didn't like to tell him that Mr Gove had left a couple of hours earlier, well hidden by a crowd of people, but Mr Gove still took time to talk to say hello and give a wave to Betty.  He hasn't replied to my Huwoman friend Mary's letter yet

The man told me that he thinks Mr Gove is up to shenanigans, whatever they are, over Brexit and wants to get rid of Mrs May.   I am sure he is too nice to do anything like that... This is a picture of the man hiding under his umbrella among the DEFRA bicycles.

Last Thursday it didn't rain but it was very, very cold.  Lots of DEFRA Hupeople envied my fur. One of them offered me a cup of tea but I had to tell them that Badgers don't drink tea.  We do however like worms- lots of worms, but there are no worms in Smith Square, and no birds- not even a Pigeon or a fly.  It is a desert for Creatures.

I have to admit that I had a bit of an argument today.  While most Hupeople agree that Badgers are innocent of spreading disease to Cows, some ignorant Hupeople just don't want to admit that truth. Today a farmer visited DEFRA and shouted at me. He was delivering a display of fruits and vegetables.  They looked delicious but he didn't offer me any.  Anyway, he said that I was responsible for killing hundreds of Cows and I said that Science proves otherwise and that the spread of bTB results from bad testing and poor farming practices.  Well, farmers obviously don't want to be told that they are responsible for killing their own Cows, so he refused to listen to me.  This is a not very good picture of his van and his nice green trousers:

One reason I was very tired a few weeks ago was because of the Fallow Deer.  I want  to tell you something now that you probably won't believe unless you have seen it.  

Well, every autumn the Male Deer grow 2 trees on top of their heads- they call these antlers.  They do look very heavy and I bet they get a headache.  At night all the deer go out into a field and the Female Deer stand around in a circle and the Male Deer run at each other and start crashing their head trees together.  They bang and they crash and we badgers don't get a wink of sleep.  This helps to choose the top Male.  

Of course, we badgers wouldn't waste so much time and energy working out who is Boss Badger.  A fight and a bite or 2 soon sorts it out.  And then the antlers fall off. What a waste of resources- just imagine how much food it takes to grow trees on your head.  Nature does play some jokes sometimes- you just have to look at peacocks to understand that!

It is getting very frosty now and snow is coming so Betty is popping down into her sett, but before I go I want to mention a lovely friend I met last week.  His name is Gary and he cleans the pavements in Smith Square.  He was very cold and I was quite worried about him.  Part of the reason he was cold was because the leaves have fallen off the plane trees so he is not so busy sweeping.   I think he could do with a thick pair of gloves. 

Although I sometimes wonder if I am doing any good spending time at DEFRA every week, I think I am doing a very important thing indeed, because all the serious office workers in their smart clothes and shiny shoes break into a smile and laugh and wave when they see me and I wave at them.  That smile and laughter is good for their hearts and souls and, just for a while, they become children again.  But some of them pretend they don't see me.  I think those ones have a guilty conscience and are probably responsible for killing tens of thousands of my Badger friends  this autumn   I bet they are too ashamed to acknowledge me.

Oh and I met a very smart Human and Huwoman today.  He works for the BBC. He asked me what I was doing.  He didn't know about the Badger Killing.  I hope he does now.

Night night.  Betty 🐾🐾🐾