Mr Gove Goes Underground

Hello Hupeople.  Betty Badger here. Two jolly visits to DEFRA to report on.

I eventually persuaded Mary to leave her bed of despair and go down to DEFRA last Thursday.  I met some very Strange Characters including some very odd trees. 

All the strange Hupeople seemed to be out.   One Human would not go away and kept trying to buy my cubs. He told me that I could make a fortune if I sold my little ones.  I told him that I was not going to sell my babies even if he offered me lots of money.    I had to watch him carefully because I know had his eye on Bud.

Then a very old Human start to wave and dance and sing at me from across the street.  I danced for him too.

Then another Human came along wearing short leg coverings and he had drawings on his legs. He kept taking pictures of the DEFRA Building.  I told him the would be in trouble, but he carried on anyway.  Then the Security Hupeople came and told him to stop but he wouldn't..  The Police came along in big wheeled boxes so I moved quickly to the front of the building where I met lots of my old friends. 

The best thing about the day was meeting Hucubs.  Two little girl cubs fell in love with me and cuddled me and wanted to take me home.  They held onto my legs and didn't want to leave me.  A lovely male cub played hide and seek around the black metal bollards.  We had such fun.

I have been to Marsham Street again today and really enjoyed myself meeting the DEFRA , Home Office and other staff.  I stayed at the front this week to avoid the strange Hupeople who congregate at the back. Lots said "Hello Betty" and I heard that some are reading my blog.  Thank you!  Everyone was very friendly and one Huwoman offered to get me some water because I was very hot. 

But I am very sad because I have not seen Mr Gove for 4 weeks, since he announced that he going to extend the Badger Kill Cull to areas where Badgers are not infected with TB. I really miss his jolly Hello and wave.

I am sure he is hiding from Mary because she is quite angry.  She has been planning ways to dispose of him.  She decided against contract killing because she couldn't afford the fee, but now she has another plan.  Mary knows a lot about plants and in her garden she has a herb called Wolfbane or Monkshood; it is very poisonous.... We all know how much Mr Gove likes to buy his lunch at itsu and Mary thought she might get a job in the itsu close to DEFRA and slip a bit of Monskshood into his sushi.  That is quite fiendish.  But, of course she wouldn't do anything cruel like that because she wouldn't hurt any living thing.  Instead she is cursing him with boils.....  on his bottom....Only joking. 

Mary has turned her anger into action and this week has written to a lot of people including The Times, her MP Grant Schnapps, and DEFRA.  She did ask to see Mr Gove a while back but he is too busy with plastic bottles and elephant tusks so yesterday she asked instead to see the farming minister who I think is called George Useless.   If he says no she will be very annoyed.  These MP Humen are, after all, public servants and should remember that. 

While at DEFRA getting my photo taken and generally hanging  around Mary explained to me some of the decisions DEFRA has been making this year .  I found all this hard to understand so I am sorry if you find it hard too.  Anyway, DEFRA undertook a Consultation into extending the Badger Kill Cull into Low Risk Areas (LRAs) Anyone interested could write and tell DEFRA what they thought by 15th April.  Lots of very clever Hupeople replied, 832 in total, including The British Veterinary Association, The Zoological Society,The Badger Trust, Born Free,.. ,,,oh, and Mary.  

Well this document was published a couple of weeks ago:

Summary of responses to the consultation on proposals to introduce licensed badger control to prevent the spread of bovine tuberculosis in the Low Risk Area (England) May 2018

and it says very clearly that the majority of respondents were opposed to an extension of the Badger Cull to low risk areas.  Despite the overwhelming opposition from more than 800 people (including Mary) who took the time to write to DEFRA, they have decided to kill my Badger kin in areas they call  LRA "hot spots".  It is more complicated than that and I am worried that you will be bored by now so read up on it if you are interested.  

Mary has taught me the word ANALOGY so I will give an analogy for the decision which the Marsham Street Hupeople will relate to:

Do you remember that DEFRA staff moved recently to a new sett at 2 Marsham Street which they share with other government departments.  Well, Imagine that Mr Gove  and a few of his colleagues (Cows) had the Ebola virus but hadn't been tested properly so they weren't sure if they had it.  So, even though that there was a chance that they might possibly have Ebola which they could pass on to ALL the staff in Marsham Street, such as those in the Home Office (Badgers), Homes England (Deer), Communities and Local Government (Goats),  Ministry of Justice (Cats), Passport service (Pigs), etc. Obviously these staff might then pass it on to other staff in other departments they are visiting and lots of Hupeople  might then get ill and die.

I am only a stupid Badger, but as I see it, a sensible decision would be to leave the DEFRA people where they are so they don't infect all the other departments' staff.  But no.  What DEFRA decides to do is to move Mr Gove and his staff anyway and if just one of the Home Office staff catches Ebola from Mr Gove &Co, DEFRA kill all the Home office staff.  But they don't kill the staff in the other departments even though the DEFRA staff are mixing with them daily and infecting them.  So all the Home Office staff are now shot dead, even though only one of them had any disease.  And meanwhile the DEFRA staff and all the other staff they have infected go wandering around the country spreading Ebola where ever they go. 

This is exactly what DEFRA has decided to do, despite overwhelming rational opposition, and has even said this in the document it published on the day Parliament went into recess in May.  It says:

 "The government's view remains that enabling badger control in the LRA where disease in badgers is linked with infected herds is a rational extension of the TB strategy to eradicate bovine TB".  

"Badger control" means killing Badgers.  I really don't think this is logical at all. What DEFRA is saying is that where Cows brought into an area infect a healthy Badger then all the Badgers in that area have to die.  Meanwhile, farmers spread infected Cow Poo on the fields- (they call it slurry and not Poo ) and carry it on their boots and on their tyres to farm sales and abattoirs. Also infected Cows whose disease hasn't shown up yet and all the other animals they have infected, (Pigs, Goats, Cats, Deer ) can carry on spreading infection around the country.  

I do hope you understood that.  I am so tired at trying to understand it that I will have to have a lie down in my sett now. 

Just one more thing: It is good to finish on a happy thought. You know how much Badgers like eating Worms, well Mary made a lunch of two slices of bread with Peanut butter and Marmite in between; she called it a sandwich.  Anyway, it was one of the best things I have ever tasted- almost better than Worms even.

Night Night,  Betty 🐾🐾